“I don’t think I’m good looking enough”
You may have come across the term “punching above one’s weight”.
What that means is that one of the two people in that relationship is noticeably better looking than the other. Some might stop and think “I wonder how he/she got with them”… The main thing that pops into people’s mind is MONEY. In the world we live in today, unfortunately that could somewhat be true, to a point—but the other major factor is ATTRACTION!
If I could only choose one, I would much rather be attractive than good looking. They are not the same thing! Being good looking goes only into physical attributes of oneself that can be picked up on a photograph. Their face symmetry, eyes, jawline, hair style, smile, height and body shape. These are all separate from attractive traits such as:
- Smelling nice and dressing well every day
Those are some of the things that make someone more attractive and can be worked on consistently that have nothing to do with your looks.
“I don’t know how to hold conversation”
If you’re trying to engage in ‘cold’ conversation for the first time with someone, or trying to build existing rapport with them on a date, there’s something people often forget when it comes to ENGAGING AND INTERESTING conversation.
- Body language and tonality
If you can get better at those two things, you don’t have to put so much effort into talking. Ask good questions, give encouraging responses. Your best bet is to say just enough to get the other person to talk more than you!
When I was going on many dates, I learned the best thing for me was to follow this simple rule: The 4 to 1 ratio. I would aim to let the girl talk four times as much as me, or for every one minute I would speak she would speak for four minutes.
“I don’t believe in online dating”
The days of online dating being frowned upon are gone. Everything is going online these days and you should too!
In the old days, men would simply go wherever the woman were; bars, nightclubs, etc. Now, more and more women are moving to dating apps and sites as it’s more convenient and somewhat safer.
The truth of the matter is, online dating speeds up the process of finding people that are similar to you and cuts out the whole ‘middle man’ of having to go out, experiment, take face-to-face rejection and spend money in clubs and bars.
“I’m too shy and don’t like rejection”
Newsflash! No one likes rejection! We can only get used to it and build up our perspective on what really matters when it comes to our emotions.
A man or woman rejecting you is not the worst thing in the world! Any one of us can turn on the news and realise some people out there have it way worse than us! That has been one of the main things that helped me build more confidence throughout the years. Pure and simple perspective.
How do you practice perspective?
I helped a client once with a problem he had when ‘cold’ approaching women in an everyday setting. He said he was fine when it came to conversation and body language, but was mostly stuck on just approaching her and doing it! So basically, if she started conversation with him he said he would be fine.
After a few discussions on perspective, I gave him this tangible thought to always have in his head when he’s about to approach a woman.
You are about to give her the most juicy story of her whole week!
Likely, she is going to tell that story to her friends and they will stop everything they are doing and give her full attention because that’s just one of the most interesting stories any woman can tell her girlfriends. FACT!!!!
Think about it. That type of story doesn’t pop up much in people’s lives these days. Because of the growth of mobile phones and addicting apps, people barely even manage eye contact and a smile let alone direct conversation towards asking them out!
So engaging in conversation toward a stranger you’re attracted to is something that will be remembered by them for months to come.
Even if it fails, you probably made their day.
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